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Re: Money can't buy you happiness...
This essay has an interesting topic. What you need, JustMe, is specificity and examples, and I know from my own knowledge of this issue that there are plenty out there. ...
Jul 10, 2008 -
Re: Actuality v. Reality: An Essay Upon More than Worlds.
The truth of reality, in all realness, is that there is no reality. Sure, sometimes we might think we know what's going on, but, in actuality, we haven't the slightest ...
Jul 10, 2008 -
Re: Fact
I like this--not only is it creative, but it is purposeful, and I like that purpose. However, I think you should write out "13-18 MILLION" as "13,000,000-18,000,000" instead, as it ...
Jul 7, 2008 -
Re: An Ethical way of living
A fine essay for an agreeable audience. But for a hostile audience of omnivores, this essay would be debunked as another attempt to assert an "ethic" that has no social ...
Jul 5, 2008 -
Re: Speech In Response to patience's “Abortion”
Perhaps it is spelt different in the US, but in England 'fetus' (as you spelt it) is spelt 'foetus'. Sorry, just thought I would mention that, but, as I said, ...
Jul 4, 2008 -
Re: Abortions.
This essay overlooks one integral aspect to the Abortion debate; what constitutes life. You may wish to explore it more. You also need to get your contention out sooner, and ...
Jul 1, 2008 -
Re: Twilight Park
A great piece of writing. I don't think I could have pulled off this level of description. One of my few qualm is the first analogy--"like a spoonful of lava." ...
Mar 22, 2008 -
Re: Dawn
‘You’re a freak, nature girl!’ They spat, ‘You don’t belong here, and you never will.’ The "t" in "They" should be lowercase. Also, why do you use single quotations (')instead ...
Feb 23, 2008 -
Re: The Tree of Life (Part One)
Excellent piece of writing. Flawless spelling and grammar, of course. The pacing is adept. Mikhail's handing of his cigarette is expressed well. It is almost as if the scene plays ...
Feb 16, 2008 -
Re: Mutts - Birth
When they gave it to her, she cooed and laughed as it ate; its little hands kneading at her breast. Don’t use a semicolon where a comma will suffice. I ...
Jan 23, 2008 -
Re: Mutts - Beginnings
I enjoyed this piece, GryphonFledgling. I generally agree with what PenguinAttack had to say; your characterization is effective, but the technical aspect detracts from everything. The dense explanato
Jan 22, 2008 -
Re: Essay of the future
As for this evaluation, keep in mind that I do not know what this essay is for. Just as we have seen many changes in the past century, people can ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: Führer
It is a solid opening. Diverse diction and syntax. The writing is engaging. You may note, however, that the general pattern insofar is: [long paragraph] [one or two separated, short, ...
Jan 11, 2008 -
Re: Star Crossed Prologue
He felt himself involuntarily tremble An odd sentence to begin with. This sentence structure usually incorporates an adjective instead of a verb (tremble). Somehow, there are two verbs (felt and ...
Jan 7, 2008 -
Re: Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess- Hiding In His Shadow
Revive! Buwahahhaa To be forced to hide in a humans shadow and only be of use when called. Watch for wordiness. Yet, Midna couldn't find herself to mind. Sounds strained. ...
Jan 4, 2008
